What they give you

He raised me to be a prodigy of life.
He gave me cassette tapes and documentaries.
Weekly trips to the museum and music festivals.
He gave me “culture” and a feeling in the pit of my stomach that never goes away.

He gave me wonder.
The feeling of driving down a coast with the windows open.
Of doing things that terrify and delight you at the same time.
He sewed in me a feral sort of feeling.

He gave me life.
And used every second of my existence to remind me of it.
As though his siring was a privilege.
He gave me memories I can’t forget, even when I drink myself silly.

How can I be mad when he gave me who I am?
The rage that eats at me.
The self hatred that threatens to consume me.
The way I can’t love anyone more than I hate myself.

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Madeleine Rabinovitch is twenty years old and currently entering her fourth year at Concordia University in Montreal Quebec Canada. She is double majoring in English Literature and Religions and Cultures with Honors.